A Yorkshire woman sustained serious injuries today after jumping in front of a Windsor Grey to avoid voting in the European elections.
Emily Wooding, 21, whose last vote was for Wagner in the 2008 X-Factor series final, had been complaining of confusion and stomach ache caused by the furore surrounding today’s twitter trending topics before she decided to hurl herself in front of a 500kg equus.
“I went on twitter to share a pic of me quiche,” said Wooding, “but everyone was talking about meps. What are meps? And what the fuck is a Farage?”
|It looked a bit like this.|
“It was all too much. Proper confusing like,” said Wooding from her hospital bed. “I wanted to just stay at home and bake cookies for me man.”
Wooding had run to the local race course in distress after reading her 500th condescending Facebook status of the day urging her to vote.
Her friends Kenneth and Julie Walters, who own a vegan bike shop in Shoreditch, insisted “Anyone who votes UKIP just delete us now” in a show of their enlightened belief in the British democratic system that everyone can vote according to their preference.
Wooding discussed her confusion further. “Russell Brand told me not to vote,” she said, “but now Paul from work has shared a picture of Ed Miliband eating a pasty I don’t know what to think.”
“If I don’t vote I’m an idiot. If I do vote, I have to invest at least 6 hours tonight tweeting about it. I just wish I didn’t have the right to vote at all.”
472,3004 British women “just forgot” to vote in today’s elections.
736,982 British women thought they weren't allowed to vote because they were watching the election on ITV catch-up and feared their votes would not be recorded but would still be charged.
999,666 British women talked about voting but didn’t.My mum voted after my dad told her to.