Thursday, 23 June 2011

The Oddest Disposal.


About thirty years ago, there was this guy called Hitler. You can already tell he is pretty badass because he only has one name, like a Pok√©mon or a rapper. Anyway, this Hitler man got really annoyed with some Jews because they said he was shit at art (he was).  Because he was so angry, and probably also because he was short, he decided to kill lots of Jews by gassing them and hitting them with sticks. Essentially, he killed 6 million and a lot of people got really angry about it. No one really talks about or remembers Hitler anymore, because the world is constantly presented with new evils like Sarah Palin and the fact that a pack of Space Raiders now cost 5p more. 


The reason I am reminding you of this little known "Hitler" is that in fact, he had some good ideas. No, I'm not talking about killing Jews, I'm cool with them (in fact my best friend's a Jew and the only time I ever gassed her was during an unfortunate dutch oven incident after a pack of Doritos). I am however, still referring to genocide. The victims? The 29,000 people who clicked 'like' on the page "If you love someone put their name in a circle, not a heart, because hearts can be broken but circles go on forever!". 


Slash 3 is more than what? Scientists
are still trying to decode this symbol
of the new generation. 
I do not want to kill these people simply because I hate them (though I do), but because in a world where there isn't enough petrol and money and trees and stuff to go around, and Chinese people kill their babies because of it, we might as well start to ease off the surplus population and sacrifice them for the greater good. I firmly believe that the best way to decide who should die first, is to point the finger at those who click the thumb, on pages such as: "Having to throw your dick over your shoulder in PE so you can run faster", "I just hate it when I'm sad and I don't know the reason :(" and "typing a million of beautiful things to say to you, but then deleting them and replacing it with ‘idk’ </3". 


Simple mathematical calculations prove how worthwhile an endeavor murdering these "likers" would be. Statistical analysis by top leading social scientists has discovered that simply gassing the 30,361 people that liked the page "losing your cellphone in your blankets and then having to throw the blanket around til it falls out" would reduce the price of petrol to 0.16p in a matter of 4 days. 


I'm a real boy.
"Dr." Christian Jessen explained these figures to us: "The problems with this 'like' page are manifold. Firstly, everyone should carry their cellphone in a bumbag, to prevent unfortunate losses such as those described here. But most importantly, individuals do not actually 'like', that is to say 'enjoy' this blanket shaking activity, as it is timely and makes your toes cold. Thus, it is clear that the 30,000+ people who clicked on this page are retarded." He stated. Thus, he deducts: "By eliminating these retards, the world's problems would be solved speedily and efficiently as less consumers means cheaper petrol, and less retards means smarter people would be left to breed and thus solve problems by finding oil and building solar panels and stuff. Darwin wrote about it". Fascinating and accurate stuff, he also adds: "There would be more bumbags". 


The evidence thus clearly demonstrates the advantages of mass-murdering "likers".  Whilst "likers" perceive themselves as "top blokes" "fearless bastards" and caring for the elderly, the more worthwhile members of society recognize them for the retarded, useless individuals they are. The inability to distinguish between 'your' and 'you're' correctly are often significant clues. Careful analysis often aids identification of those who deserve to be relocated to our death facilities. 


Examination of the above image, for example, reveals the real message: 


Thinking Postman Pat, Dora the Explorer or Brum are anything resembling 'insane' parts of female anatomy also indicates that an individual is worthy of death. Most worryingly, these individuals appear not only retarded, but also display signs of first grade amnesia, as they need to be prompted to "remember" infamous characters that are still going strong today. 


Further figures and analysis as to just how this genocide will benefit society and the world will be disclosed later this month. Anyway, I've g2g, I just clicked like on a page and now I am waiting till midnight when my true love will realise they love me, but I have to re-post the link to 5 other pages or I will have relationship problems for the next ten years.




PS. You should totally click like on this blog post. (I'll make sure you survive if you do).

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