Thursday, 14 July 2011

Harry Potter haters are Dickheads, study shows.

Individuals who hate Harry Potter are fifteen times more likely to be dickheads, UK scientists have found. 

A study instigated by the London School of Dickheadery carried out tests on 5,800 Harry Potter 'haters', who had noted their distaste for the books, films and franchise. 

Participants took a lengthy written test to determine their level on the scale of Dickheadery and then continued on to answer a questionnaire on their appreciation of J.K.Rowling's masterpiece. 

It is OK to hate Daniel
Radcliffe though. 
Puzzled scientists also attempted to determine whether there was something medically wrong with Harry Potter haters, by carrying out scans and medical tests. Though the results remain inconclusive, Dr. Christian Jessen believes there may be a certain malfunctioning gene that prevents individuals appreciating the full glory and wonder of the Harry Potter series. Previous studies have repeatedly shown the presence of this gene in individuals classified as 'Indie' and 'Hipster' and Jessen believes that this gene is the scientific reason such people fail to enjoy mainstream excellence like Disney, Beyonce and McDonalds. 

The results of the two tests found a strong positive correlation between Dickheadery and Harry Potter hatred. Researchers cannot determine a cause/effect relationship, that is, the unanswered question is whether being a Dickhead makes you hate Harry Potter, or hating Harry Potter makes you a Dickhead. Despite this, a strong link is apparent. 

Research found a correlation coefficient of 0.999786951

 Famous Dickheads who hate Harry Potter. 
After the test the 5,800 participants were killed in a humane manner as it was deemed that because of their hatred of Harry Potter, their contribution to society could be minimal. 


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    Keep it going!